Just How Many Frogs Do I Have to Kiss?

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Let this go down in the annals of history; owning, building and running a business and all the training and expertise that goes behind those successful endeavors is nothing compared to the rigorous, energy consuming, flabbergasting if not downright humorous search for a “man-made” match from heaven. The exercise is a combination litany of experiences that would make even the most ardent professional squirm.

Imagine being typically slotted and type-cast into the category of divorced, 54 years of age, mother of three, with a track record of two relationships to chalk up to experience, one of four years and another of two in between frequent trips abroad, much volunteer work on various Boards and still the wholesome pickings are slim. Eventually the expectations begin to tarnish, just a little.

The question begs an answer; just how many frogs do I have to kiss? And at what price? Dating stories and experiences would make any psychoanalyst jump up and down at the prospects of gaining more insight into the human experience of relationships or lack thereof and an opportunity to coach an individual through the maze of emotions that surface after each go-around. Perhaps these would be well kept in an A to Z of emotional upsets and how to identify core issues, heal and integrate them.

No, it is not a good idea to treat a relationship like a business project. Besides being hard work, the dividends fall short of paying come year-end. Accepting dishonesty and compromising one’s self-dignity just to stay in a relationship is probably an issue of self-worth that is thirsting to be addressed. Becoming the good replacement surrogate mother hen is nice if you like being a mother to your children up until the age they are leaving the nest, but it doesn’t have to become a life long occupation. That too is a no-no. At some point the boy becomes a man, detaching himself of the apron strings and taking the label “broken, need to be fixed” off his forehead. I can attest to the fact that it doesn’t help to try fix anyone other than yourself. Honesty begins inside.

Assistance comes in the form of my children, my personal Board of advisors. In a New Year discussion about what was the best thing I did during the course of the year, the vote was in; breaking up the relationship. All my daughters involve themselves in the process, “Never mind the titles, or the business, is he fun?” quips the youngest, “because the previous one wasn’t!” Or another time, my daughter and I were enjoying an ice cream cone on the street. Upon reflecting upon the tag line of a dating agency about finding someone suave who doesn’t need a broom to sweep you off your feet, my eldest daughter and I observed a man across the road sweeping the street, “Oh mom, I don’t mind a broom, a tractor, anything at least someone doing something.” Laughs are the order of the day when dating agents reveal their tactics for hunting down the perfect “frog prince”. Like the movie of supermarket lineups as targets for males in the Express line up with small baskets, a clue to the state of their relationships. Then there was the story about the date that was found for me in a well-known coffee shop. A good-looking man who was approached by the “matchmaker”; was this lovely lady with him his date, partner or acquaintance? Upon submission to the question he was promptly recruited and hitched with his potential suitor, that being me.

The whole experience gives a glimpse for divesting the need to be accepted, feeling worthy, realizing the search for and reclaiming the feminine power, the sexual energy or creativity that was lost in the business of being a woman entrepreneur. Being open and spiritual helps. The inner world reveals itself through dreams and intuitions, reliable guides to whether something is worth pursuing or not, natural and easy. Like the time I had a dream with this man who was standing in my bathroom of all places. And me, well I was stark naked of course and feeling just a little shy or uncomfortable in his presence. All he wanted to do was just take me home and we know that home is simply where the heart is. Here I am in all my glory, this is me, this is who I am, real and authentic and open to finding a relationship based on trust, honesty and integrity. Perhaps this is the truth behind a soulmate connection, perhaps someone is finally on the way and maybe, just maybe this is the last frog I need to kiss……

Dr Pirjo Friedman, business professional runs a successful Dental Practice and Miriam Sanua is a "Holistic Integrative Coach" and has written for Dr Friedman. Dr Friedman breathes life into the concept that you can be a successful businesswoman, spiritual in life's approaches and leading example to family. Author of the book "Awakening the Entrepreneurial Spirit in You, Embracing Synchronicity" Pirjo explores the endless possibilities of personal excellence through opening to synchronicity. The book is now available.

Dr Friedman can be reached at friedman@dentalove.com

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